2011 certainly had some ups – among them were watching my father graduate college in July, roughly 40 years after first starting his Bachelor’s degree. Following on the heels of his accomplishment, and inspired by the same, I decided to see if I could get accepted into grad school and try to perhaps work towards a better future for myself. I applied to one school – Marylhurst University – and I got accepted! I liked the online degree program that they offered – an MBA in Sustainable Business; I also liked the fact that they did not require any entrance exams and were running a special where the registration fee was waived. I figured that if I was not able to get in that program, then I would not try to apply for those that required exams and/or fees, as I could afford neither. I got in, I signed the next decade or more away for the loans I would need, and for the first time since I graduated from ESF back in May 1997, I was a student again! I have completed 2 classes so far, with 10 to go, and have a 3.84 overall GPA as of right now – better than I ever did as an undergrad!
Another highlight of 2011 was continuing to watch my nieces and nephews grow and develop. Work schedules made it hard to spend as much time with them as I have in the past, but their development has been amazing! The two oldest started kindergarten in September – where has the time gone? The younger two are quickly trying to catch up to their siblings, and every time I see them, things are different.
2011 has certainly had its share of downs as well. I continue to fight my struggle against depression. There have been steps made in the right direction and I have slid backwards more than once, but I continue struggling forward, no matter how hard it gets at times. I still have not really had much in the way of luck with girls or dating; we will see if that changes in 2012, although I have learned to keep my hopes and expectations low, as that leaves less room for disappointment. I lost a couple of the best employees in my department to moves and promotions, and some of my closest friends are not as big a part of my life as they were in the past. Yet I struggle forward… We talk when we can, the department is running the best it has since I took over (at least in terms of sales), but it’s not the same… People come and go more quickly it seems, and it is harder to grow close or become attached to people when it seems that they leave too soon.
My life mostly consists of work and school these days, and caring for my ever-expanding menagerie of plants and animals that is slowly taking over my livingroom and kitchen. I would like to say that in what little down time I get that I make the most of it and do things that make me happy, but in reality, it does not really feel like I accomplish much of anything outside of work and school. My apartment continues to amass piles of stuff, hobbies and interests often go un-pursued, or at least less than in the past, and life just seems to continue to move by, not really stopping to notice if I am keeping up or falling behind. And I just keep struggling forward…
So, what lies in store in 2012? Who knows, only time will tell… I am sure there will be some ups, and there will undoubtedly be many downs, as that is one thing in my life that seems to be pretty consistent. The downs are always around; it is the ups that seem to be is shorter supply. Will the world end on 12/20/12? I doubt it. Will I be writing something similar a year from now? Probably… We will see, but my hopes remain low, where they are more manageable and less likely to shatter from the downward drops. So, I will end with a half-hearted “Happy New Year”, and raise a glass to the unknown, hoping that it might even surprise me and go better than I am planning on.
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